But I am back at a new location with a blog that suits me more. Have disabled any comments so there is no follow up and the links have changed from yesterday, sorry. Any problems mail me at 999.rachel@gmail.com and will be sure to send you the link.
Sorry if it seems really vague, just the way things have to be.
Thanks for following my diatribe, here's to the future.
Rachel
xxx
It's been a good Christmas, no fights or fall outs, great presents and good times. For once I have managed to pull it off purely as the three of us wanted, our rules and our own way. We spent Christmas eve with my parents and it was lovely, my Mother managed not to be too crazy. Ex-Boyf came for the Chrtistmas Day armed with fantastic presents, a case of wine for me and some hunter wellies, CK pyjama bottoms and other lovely stuff. We all just chilled and ate, played backgammon and drank vast quantities of gorgeous wine. He stayed the night, which has not happened since we broke up and it was just lke the old times together.
Now the big Christmas rush is over it has left me thinking about the last year. New Years is often a time of reflection for me, look back over the last year and make some heartly plans for improvement for the next.
One thing is clear though, I have spent the last 12 months living by other people's rules, supressing my opinions and thoughts, not really being me, just being the person that others wanted, when they wanted me, and struggling through the times I found myself alone.
My ex-relationship dilema has taken up the last 2 1/2 years of my life, I am now more resolved that ever to have a fresh start, move on, despite the shag fest that was Christmas night. I have been hurt more than I have ever experienced before, repeatedly, and each time to breaking point. I have been too scared to move forwards for fear of losing what I thought I had, but in reality I have realised that it wasn't on my terms.
Several friendships have changed, become more distant, and I have clung on to them trying to salvage the remnants, at my own expense becoming more and more disillusioned each time.
It's time to let those friends go.
So the mantra for the New Year is 'What Is Best For Me'. And once I realised where the changes need to be made, the decision was easy. I need a new job, away from ex-boyf, a different way to live my life, friends that don't drain me but nourish and nurture me, oh and a kick ass relationship that doesn't supress me and allows me to be the tree-huggy weirdo that I probably am.
I am shutting this blog down now so this is my last post, starting up another with a more positive vibe, less of the Crisis Intervention and more of Rach Shakes Her Booty at the World.
In the meatime have a Cool Yule, and get some serious chilling done.
x
Oh and a very happy New Year.
xx
I'm still here, just finding breaking up hard to do! Why does it have to be so hard????? Answers on a postcard please!
x
Don't get me wrong, I love Christmas and all that goes with it, and I'm not all 'BAH HUMBUG' either but I just don't get the fascination for decorating my house like this. We have a road near us where the residents hire an external generator to power up their decs, transform the houses to some gaudy, obscene Santa's delight. It is mesmorising to behold, in a car crash sort of way, you don't want to look but it is just too ridiculous to turn away. Maybe age has altered my opinion of Christmas but I just love the tasteful decs that put a smile on your face and a warm glow inside, or is that the mulled wine? Happy decorating!
